


The Choices We Make

by keire_ke, ohstars



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, BAMF Peggy Carter, M/M, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Post-Canon Fix-It, Self-Indulgent, Steve gets what he deserves, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27924430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keire_ke/pseuds/keire_ke, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstars/pseuds/ohstars
Summary: If you had told him in 2014, after Steve met the Winter Soldier and realized his Bucky was still alive, that he'd one day choose to leave him behind to return to a life in the forties, Steve would have said you're insane and offered to pay for your therapy out of his own pocket. That Steve didn't realize how hard it was to lose Bucky over and over again, watching him literally slip out of his fingers the second he gets him back. He doesn't realize how painful it is to spend what little time you have with the love of your life and find yourself wondering when they'll disappear again.Steve used to hate the phrase "if you love someone, let them go," but now... It's the only thing that makes sense. He can't go through this anymore, the constant reunions and goodbyes. If he and Bucky were really meant to be, the universe wouldn't work this hard to keep them apart. So for once, he's going to listen to what it's trying to tell him and he's going to find his own happy ending without the love of his life.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 16
Kudos: 97
Collections: Marvel Reverse Big Bang 2020





	The Choices We Make

2023

Steve knew what he was doing. He had thought it over long and hard, for days after the battle with Thanos. He stayed long enough to say his last goodbye to Tony, to recover from the events of the last two weeks, and to gather enough strength to follow through with his plan. There was no denying that this would be the hardest thing he ever did, especially once he actually saw Bucky. 

In all his years, Steve would never have thought he’d choose to say goodbye to Bucky. Ever since the war started, he’d fought so hard to keep them together or get his Bucky back. Because that’s what he did, what they did. Bucky was _his_ and he was _Bucky’s_. 

He stood on the platform, in the middle of the forest by the compound, and stared down at his friends. Sam was oblivious to what this really was, too hopeful and trusting of Steve, which is what makes him the best person to pick up the shield now that Steve’s officially retiring. Not that he knows that right now. Banner is fiddling with the controls, watching Steve with a smile, also unaware but he almost seems blissfully ignorant, like he wouldn’t admit that he actually knows what Steve’s doing. And Bucky… He’s the hardest to make eye contact with. 

He’s the hardest to say goodbye to. 

Steve swore up and down they were meant to be. Always had. They met when they were six and seven on the playground of their school. Bucky had stopped a couple of boys from picking on Steve and the rest was history. They’d grown up living in each other’s pockets, never seen without the other. Bucky and Steve. Steve and Bucky. It wasn’t until Steve was eleven that he realized he liked Bucky a lot more than the other neighborhood boys they hung out with, and in ways most boys don’t feel for their best friends. He was twelve when he first heard the word ‘homosexual’ and thirteen when he found out what happens to homosexuals. He was fifteen when he realized Bucky would probably never feel the same way for him, eighteen when he realized that even if he did there was no real way to be together safely. At twenty, he vowed to keep Buck in his life no matter what, to fight to stay friends since that was all they could ever truly be. And they were meant to be together, Steve could feel it in his soul. 

No one understands Steve the way Bucky does. Bucky doesn’t underestimate Steve, he treats him with respect and care. He argues with Steve when everyone else in the room is too scared to question the captain. He keeps Steve out of his head when the clouds get too foggy, always with a wisecrack and a snarky smile, but he doesn't push Steve to his breaking point. He's the only person who can handle Steve when he's at his angriest, the only person who gets to see him at his weakest. Bucky can take care of Steve in a way that doesn't seem charitable or pathetic. Because Bucky is Bucky and no one loves Steve the way Bucky does, and vice versa. 

So in Steve's world, nothing is right unless Steve has Bucky. They're soulmates, meant to be by each other's side until the world implodes on itself or they find themselves in their graves for good. 

That was before he lost Bucky in the war. 

And then again in 2014. 

And 2016. 

And 2018. 

If you had told him in 2014, after Steve met the Winter Soldier and realized his Bucky was still alive, that he'd one day choose to leave him behind to return to a life in the forties, Steve would have said you're insane and offered to pay for your therapy out of his own pocket. That Steve didn't realize how hard it was to lose Bucky over and over again, watching him literally slip out of his fingers the second he gets him back. He doesn't realize how painful it is to spend what little time you have with the love of your life and find yourself wondering when they'll disappear again. 

Steve used to hate the phrase "if you love someone, let them go," but now... It's the only thing that makes sense. He can't go through this anymore, the constant reunions and goodbyes. If he and Bucky were really meant to be, the universe wouldn't work this hard to keep them apart. So for once, he's going to listen to what it's trying to tell him and he's going to find his own happy ending without the love of his life. 

He looks at Bucky one last time and really drinks him in. Bucky knows what Steve's thinking. He can see it in those beautiful grey eyes Steve loves so much, the way his lips press into a tight smile beneath his beard. Steve can see Bucky wants to fight this, wants to scream to keep Steve here, but he doesn't. Instead, he stands there with his fists in his jacket a few feet away from Sam and even further away from the portal. 

Steve takes a deep breath. If he's going to do this, he needs to leave now. 

So he does. With one final look at his friends, Steve teleports into the quantum realm to put the Infinity Stones in their rightful place and return to his home. 

1949

The forest behind where the Avengers Compound would be is wild, unkempt with plant life, and free from a human's touch. Steve breathes in the fresh air and takes a moment to settle his nerves. He'd placed all the Infinity Stones where they needed to go and used his last jump to get as close to the end of the war as he could. Which just so happened to be 1949. 

His body felt out of place, jittery with time travel and anticipation to see the second love of his life. 

Agent Peggy Carter. 

Steve hikes his way back to New York City, half a day's journey compared to the two-hour drive it would have taken had this been the 21st century. But it's not, it's far from it.

If he's honest with himself, he didn't really think this through. All Steve knew was he couldn't stay in the 21st century with Bucky, not when he would lose him again to something tragic or stupid. And the world would never let him give up being Captain America if they knew he was alive in that century, not when aliens and robots seemed to pop up like wildflowers every few months. He would never get a break, would never stop being a celebrity or an American Icon. At least in the late forties, he'd just be another WWII veteran forgotten that just so happened to have disappeared for a few years. People would still marvel at him, but at least it'd be normal war questions and not bullshit about space. 

And Peggy would be happy to see him, he's sure of that. 

Maybe they'd pick up where they left off? Maybe they'd find a happy ending together? Steve knows just what they'd do, too. That he's thought of for quite some time. 

First, they'd get married, because their relationship means more to Steve than whatever happens next. He's never loved a woman as much as he's loved Peggy. (Granted, his love for Bucky eclipses the feelings he's felt for Peggy, but that's because it's Bucky. It's hard to compete against Bucky.) And he's in his mid-thirties (although, she'll think he's thirty-one at most) so if he wants to be a younger dad and enjoy the time with his kids, then they should start soon. They've wasted enough time. 

But Steve wants to make sure S.H.I.E.L.D is okay first. At this point in history, Peggy and Howard already have S.H.I.E.L.D established, slowly building into the alien-fighting powerhouse it should be, so Peggy has earned a break since she probably hasn't stopped trying to preserve Steve's memory since he sunk the Valkyrie. She hasn't stopped fighting since the war started, which was a lot earlier than it started for Steve. So Steve wants to help take some of the weight off her for a while so they can nip the Hydra invaders in the bud, not that Peggy knows they exist yet. He'd make sure Hydra is dead and gone before he brought kids into the world and truly retired from his life of active service. He wants to find Bucky, to save him before too much damage is done, but Steve's not sure he'd have the manpower to do so. Not when S.H.I.E.L.D is barely off the ground and there's no telling who has him. It'll haunt Steve for the rest of his life, but he knows he can't mess with the timeline too much. Being here is a risk in and of itself, so he'll take what he can get. 

He'll retire after his first kid is born and become a stay-at-home dad. That way Peggy doesn't have to slow down, she can keep going on her legendary career path and still make the most of her life. She'd have it all, if Steve has any say in it. And once his kids were in school and less needy, he'd take up art again and do some freelance. 

Steve finds himself grinning to himself as he walks. Just thinking about the possibilities of the life he and Peggy will share together has him picking up speed. 

He makes his way to a hotel then sets about finding a new set of clothes. He doesn't want to see Peggy again for the first time in his modified Cap suit. Steve looks her up, getting her last address from the operator, and plans his trip to find her. He goes down to the bus station and buys a one-way ticket to Washington D.C. 

The next day, he's standing outside her house, dressed in a nice navy collared shirt and a pair of khaki slacks. He's comfortable, finally able to dress the way he wants to without having Natasha or Tony's snide comments about his age in his ear, or how Bucky would tell him to get with the times as he hands him the leather jacket Steve likes to wear for riding his motorbike. 

He ignores the way his chest aches as he thinks about his friends, about Bucky. 

Instead, he pushes back his shoulders, fixes his hair, and walks up the path to the quaint little house Peggy resides in. 

It's a simple house, just like the ones he used to imagine moving in with Bucky when he was a child and thought he'd get the happy ending he wanted to begin with. It reminds him of the villages in the English countryside, the ones Peggy used to point to, and tell tales of her childhood the same way Steve talks about the back alleys of Brooklyn. No wonder she chose this house to call her home in the States. 

He knocks three times on the door, soft enough to be polite but not enough to hide his military roots. Steve supposes he'll always carry the war and his service with him, in the little ways he acts and talks. It pains him that he'll always be a soldier, always Captain America, even if the shield is passed on to Sam like he's planning on in the coming years. It's in a case now, strapped to his shoulders while Mjolnir is hidden in the woods of New York. (He'll retrieve it later.) The weight of it is comforting, in a way, as he prepares his heart for battle. 

Because Peggy has no time for games, but she'll make the time to win a war. 

"Coming!" Peggy calls, her accent gentle and faint through the door. Steve's hearing can pick it out in the way she forms her vowels, his ears so sensitive to the quiet of the late forties. 

Steve shifts, hands braced behind his back and chin tilted up. At attention. 

"Yes, can I help you?" Peggy asks as she opens the door a crack, not quite ready to put down her folder. "I'm terribly busy at the moment, so if it's not dire, I'd-" She stops as her eyes shift up to meet Steve’s. If she were any other woman, she'd have dropped the folder to the floor and sent the pages scattering across her entryway and porch. But this is Agent Peggy Carter, ever composed and prepared for the most unexpected. 

She still has a tell. He notices how her right eyebrow ticks up just slightly in surprise, lips pursing microscopically. Steve's not sure if he notices because of his enhanced abilities or because of how well he knows Peggy. Either way, only he'd be able to see how her soul left her body the second she laid eyes on Steve. 

"Steve?" 

Steve holds out a hand to her, smiling. "I know I'm a bit late, but I believe we had a date? Do I still get that dance, Agent Carter?" 

Peggy opens the door fully and sets the folder on a small table beside the door. She takes a step forward, heels resting on the threshold, as her hands find their way to Steve's face. Peggy cups Steve's face, turning his head from side to side as she stares in wonder. "I don't understand?" 

"It's a very long story," Steve says as he takes her hands in his. "A story I'd be happy to tell you in a while--" 

"How?" Peggy asks. 

Steve smiles and squeezes her hands. "Maybe we should sit down?" 

Peggy nods as she steps aside and picks up her papers. "You're supposed to be dead," she says softly.

"I know. I was there." Steve closes the door behind him. 

"We looked everywhere." Peggy guides him into the sitting room and sets her folder down on the coffee table. "Can I get you anything?"

"No ma'am, I'm alright." Steve takes a seat on the sofa and tugs at his slacks a little. "I know you did." 

"How?" Peggy eases into a chair opposite him, crossing her ankles as she stares at him. "Steve, it's been four years." 

Steve sighs. "I guess I can't put off explaining with you, huh? It was a longshot anyway." He leans forward, elbows on knees and takes her in. She's a good twenty years younger than he last saw her, when he and Tony snagged the tesseract from Lehigh in the seventies. Her hair is perfectly coiffed out of her face, signature red lips pursed and painted with skill, and her eyes are as sharp as ever. She's wearing a pencil skirt and a nice blouse, the most casual outfit he's seen her wear in her prime. 

Peggy tilts her head, waiting. 

He clears his throat and nods. "Right. So this is going to sound impossible but--"

"You just walked into my home four years after I thought you had died a tragic death in the middle of a war. Not to mention the fact you're an enhanced super soldier who looks to have aged only a year in the span of four. So please, Steven, don't patronize me with the word impossible." 

"Of course." 

Peggy crosses her arms. "Well?" 

Steve breathes a laugh as he runs a hand through his hair. "It hasn't been six years for me, Pegs. It's been eleven. Or technically eighty." 

"Eighty?" 

"After I crashed the Valkyrie into the arctic, I woke up sixty-nine years later in 2012. And a lot happens, stuff I can't even begin to tell you, but when I left it was 2023. So I've only been awake for about eleven years, but it has technically been eighty years since I crashed." Steve holds his breath as she takes in this information. He hadn't planned on actually telling her what happened. On the way here, Steve had decided to fabricate a story about waking up in the Canadian arctic and making his way to D.C because he figured that's where she'd be. Why he thought he was going to be able to lie to Peggy Carter, he has no idea. He couldn't even lie to Natasha without her knowing. You never lie to a capable spy, he's realized. 

She absentmindedly traces her bottom lip with one nail, glaring her eyes into Steve's soul. "And you expect me to believe you?" 

"Why would I lie to you?" 

"Fair enough. Why did you come back?" 

Steve stands and closes the space between them. He kneels down before her and offers his hand again. "Because, Peggy, there's no other woman in this world for me. Believe me, I've tried. No one can make me feel the way you do. And I just couldn't handle living in a world where you and I didn't get a chance to have that dance.” He waits for a beat. “Which brings me to this next question: Peggy, can I have this dance?" 

Peggy smiles, her face flushing as she takes his hand. "Then we better put on a record." 

They danced in the living room. Steve held her close as they swayed. It was the perfect moment, worth the wait for every beat of the song. He felt complete, eyes closed as he took it all in. She laid her head on his chest, humming to herself as they twirled around the living room. 

The only way it could have been better was if she were Bucky. 

As the song began to end, Steve felt Peggy lift her head up. He smiled down at her, memorizing the lines of her face. 

Peggy's lips parted slightly as she looked up at him. She was breathtaking. 

Steve leaned down, capturing her lips in his for a sweet, chaste kiss. She leaned into it, a hand on Steve's chest and her feet still. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in close. 

She pulled away first, pushing against his chest as she slid out of his embrace. Peggy dabbed at her lips as she turned to shut the record off. "You should go," she says softly. 

"What?" 

"Steve, I can't do this." 

"Peggy, what do you mean? I don't--"

"I grieved over you for four years, Steven. I cried myself to sleep for months after Howard gave up his search for you. I fought every day to live my life in your name, to honor you and Barnes for everything you sacrificed in that bloody war." She turns to him, tears in her eyes and shoulders pushed back. "And when I finally decide to live for myself and change the world for the better, you show up again claiming to have time-traveled back for me. I have a life, one I have built from nothing after the war, and you don't get to come crashing into it as if I owe you something just because of some delusion you have about us." 

Steve takes a step forward. "Delusion? Peggy, I love you-"

"No. You love the idea of me. We were a fling in the middle of a goddamn war. We clung to each other for comfort and solace when we had no one else to turn to. But that is not the case anymore. You got to live your life without me, Steve, in a time I can't even begin to imagine. It's my turn to live my life." 

"Peggy, what are you saying?"

Peggy takes a deep breath and presses her lips together. "I'm asking you to leave. We had a chance. We had a Shakespearean romance in a whirlwind way. And you have gone on to live a life without me. Eleven years you got to experience life after the war, away from the Nazis and Hydra. I deserve that chance too, Steve." 

"But we can actually try to build a life together now. Don't you want that?" 

"I wanted that, but that fantasy was one I let go a long time ago." She looks away from him as she stands up. "I... I just need time. Time to process this. I can't-" 

Steve nods. His jaw clenches. "Okay," he says. 

Peggy walks to the door and opens it, not meeting his eye. "We can stay friends. I'll help you adjust, but... Nothing more." 

"It's fine, Peggy." Steve stands up and adjusts his slacks. He walks over to her and kisses her cheek, barely brushing his lips against her skin. "Another time, right?"

She nods. 

Steve sighs as he walks out the door and down the path. He doesn't stop until he's three blocks away, out of her sight and away from the crushing disappointment he's feeling. Yet, he gets it. As he takes a seat on the curb, knees drawn to his chest, Steve realizes he just did the same damn thing to Peggy that Bucky kept doing to him, only worse. Instead of just saying hi, he came on too strong, unloaded his feelings and an unimaginable story on her in the span of twenty minutes. He gave her closure, sure, but that wasn't enough. 

And now he's stuck in a time period he no longer understands or feels welcome in. Steve takes a deep breath and stands back up. If Peggy won't take him, then he only has one option: Bucky. 

Steve makes his way back to the hotel he left his clothes at in New York. He changes into the suit, pays for his room with the few dollars he's scrounged up, and starts the journey through the forest. 

As he finds the clearing he landed in, there's a young girl observing Mjolnir where it rests on a stump. "Can I help you?" Steve asks, crossing his arms as he waits at the edge of the clearing. 

She looks up at him, unamused. "Steven." Steve notices she's dressed oddly for the time period, or any he's familiar with. In long dark robes, she straightens herself to full height. She's tall, broad, and almost masculine, yet still retains a femininity similar to Peggy's. 

Steve's brow furrows. "How do you know my name?" 

"You act like you're unknown," she says, folding her hands together in front of her. Shadows fall on her face as she purses her lips. "But sadly I know more about your failures than I do of your successes." 

"Failures?" Steve opens his hand for Mjolnir. The hammer flies into his hand with a hearty clink and thud, sending electricity through his veins. "What failures?" 

She studies him for a second. "You're a mighty warrior, Steven. A great captain. But you're on a dangerous path, one that'll lead to you having to forfeit your worth and your life to serve." 

"I already serve. I'm a soldier, it's what I do," he starts.

The girl holds her hand up. "Not the American people, or even the people of this planet." 

Steve takes a cautious step forward. "And what exactly am I about to do?" 

"If you jump to another timeline, rather than return to your own, you'll damage the space and time continuum more than you already have. It's in a fragile state thanks to your back and forth mission to retrieve then return the Infinity Stones, as well as Thanos' own time jumps. We cannot have any more frivolous time traveling until it has had a chance to heal." She glares at him. "I know your plan, Steven. I've seen both realities and how they end based on your decision here. If you choose to jump back in time, I will have no choice but to punish you." 

"Right. Cause you can do so much," Steve laughs as he changes into his quantum suit. "Listen, I appreciate the advice, but I don't know who you are and as much as you think you know me, you don't. So let's just call it a day and be on our way." He fiddles with his watch, setting the date. 

The girl steps forward. "Your attempts will be for nothing but cause you heartache. Think wisely about your next choice." She pulls a pocket watch out of her robes and taps the button. As it opens, the girl vanishes in a puff of smoke. 

Steve shakes his head and rolls his shoulders. He's only got two options. He needs to see this through before he heads home, no matter what the girl said. With another deep breath, Steve braces himself and hits the button on his watch. 

1945

The clearing was different. There was more growth than he saw last, nearly overgrown with weeds and bushes. Steve checks his watch again. If he set it properly, he should be a day early for Bucky's fall. He'd need to hurry, though. The sun had begun to set and with timezones, the morning was fast approaching Europe, and with it the Howling Commandos. 

Steve gripped Mjolnir tight, strap around his wrist, and flung it toward the sky. Mjolnir jerked upward, dragging Steve behind it. They flew over New York and then there was nothing but the Atlantic under him. Steve's stomach twists and flips as he tries to control Mjolnir. His body needs a break, from the harsh winds and bumpy ride, but he knows he can't stop. He needs to get there before they do. 

He's not sure what his plan is after that. At one point, as he flew over Ireland, Steve considered stopping the mission altogether. If he did that, though, they wouldn't be able to capture Armin Zola, which pushed them over the edge to defeat Schmidt to begin with. Steve's not sure if Bucky would like that. Hell, he'll already have a problem with Steve saving his ass again, but at least he'd be safe from Hydra. The least he can do is give the Howlies their mission still. 

As he flew over Europe, heading for the Alps, Steve settled on catching the train before they did. He knew the Alps well, the memories seared into his mind, which means he remembered the mountain the Howlies used to propel themselves. Unlike them, he doesn’t need a zipline to get on the train anymore. So he finds a good vantage point and perches over the railroad, exhaustion deep in his bones as he waits. 

The sun rises and the wind whips around him, as if he hadn't stopped flying, but Steve just watches, anxious with anticipation. 

And then, just before noon, Steve hears the train. 

It barrels through the valley, breaking the peaceful silence of the mountain air. Steve stands up, hands shaking with forgotten shivers, as he welds his shield and Mjolnir. He waits for the right time, as the train starts to snake around a curve into view. It rushes toward him, winding itself around the edge of the mountain. 

Steve throws Mjolnir, holding tight, toward the train. They soar over the valley and he lands quietly on top of a train car, just like he did all those years ago on the zipline. 

Up ahead, the train is going around another curve and Steve can see the faint dark line connecting the mountains; the Howlies’ zipline. As quickly as he can, Steve drops down into the train and hides Mjolnir behind a couple of crates. He tucks himself behind a few others. 

Now that he’s on the train, his brain is having a hard time computing. He knows what’s about to happen, the tragedy that this mission becomes, and his hands start to shake. 

He hears the soft thuds of Gabe, Bucky, and his past self land on the rooftops of the cars up ahead of him. One at a time, starting with his old self, they’d walk down the train car, climb down a ladder, and slip through a door. Steve and Bucky would then head back, protecting Gabe and taking over the train, while Gabe finds Armin Zola. 

The door opened and in walked the other Steve, Bucky right behind him. He froze, watching the pair work as they snuck through the cars. Bucky looks so young, so innocent. Even with the horrors of war they’ve seen thus far, Bucky looks almost younger than when he first entered the military. 

Old Steve had barely gotten into the next car when the doors slammed shut after him. 

Steve knew he would spin around, his hands slamming the glass window, just to watch what unfolds in the car he’s standing in. And just as Steve remembers seeing, a Hydra goon enters the car he’s in. Bucky shoots at him, unflinchingly ready to defend them. He knew that old Steve would be fighting a Hydra agent himself, ducking behind crates and using the shield to deflect the powerful, unknown weapon Hydra was using. 

Steve took a deep breath as he watched Bucky and the Hydra agent battle. Bucky was tucked behind a crate, one over from Mjolnir, and shooting at the agent whenever he could. He adjusts the shield on his arm, braces himself to jump out at any moment. 

And just when Bucky ran out of ammo, old Steve was there to help him out. 

Old Steve had snatched his own gun from the holster, checked to see if it was loaded still, and took a deep breath. He’d hide against the wall, out of sight from the agent, as he opened the door to the car. Bucky, now flattened against his own wall, looked up to see old Steve holding the gun. He tossed it to the sergeant. Bucky caught it effortlessly, readying himself to follow old Steve’s lead. 

Steve curses under his breath as he remembers what happens next. 

The captain moves forward, running right at the shelves of crates as Bucky took aim. His shield hit the longest crate, propelling it forward where the Hydra goon had taken cover. The man jumped to the left and Bucky took the shot, the gunman falling limp to the floor. “I had him on the ropes,” Bucky told him. 

Old Steve stood from the floor, walking backwards to meet Bucky as the sergeant kept his gun pointed to the man. “I know you did,” he panted.

The whirring of a gun sounded behind them; the goon old Steve had taken out now aiming his gun. Old Steve shoved Bucky behind him, ducking under the shield with a scream of, “Get down!” He held Bucky close to him. The Hydra gunman shot at the shield, the ray bouncing off and blasting a hole in the train. And then Old Steve was thrown to the other wall, shield discarded, and Bucky exposed. 

While everyone was distracted, Steve stepped out from behind the crates and grabbed Mjolnir. It was hard to walk, with the air being sucked out the hole, the sound loud and obnoxious in their ears. The air was already hard to breath at this altitude, but the suction the hole had made only intensified the situation. It felt like he was flying all over again. 

Bucky had the shield in his hand and a gun pointed at the man, stalking the Hydra goon with a scowl. Steve held his breath, tightened his grip on Mjolnir, and bent his knees. 

The Hydra soldier shot again, hitting the shield on the star. Bucky was thrown back, the suction from the hole in the wall pulling him out the train. Old Steve scrambled up, grabbed his shield, threw it at the Nazi with all he had, and slung off his helmet as he reached the hole. 

“Bucky!” old Steve hollered over the wind, climbing onto the sheet of wall that had been peeled off in the blast. Bucky was hanging on a rail, dangling precariously over the side of the mountain. Steve watched his older self shuffle against the wall, panicking. “Hang on,” he called, moving closer to the end of his rail. 

Steve jogged forward, just as Bucky’s grip slipped from the railing. He pushed his older self back into the train. “We’ll meet you at the rendezvous” he told his older self, saluting. 

With that he threw Mjolnir and leaped off the train. 

At an impossible speed, with electricity sparking out around him in spurts, Steve chases after Bucky. He was mid fall, screaming at the top of his lungs as he flailed. Steve had never seen him look so scared, the horror etched onto each innocent feature. 

“Bucky, hold on,” Steve calls, willing Mjolnir to go faster. 

“Steve?” Bucky screams, eyes wide. 

Steve nods, reaching out for Bucky. “Do you trust me?” 

Bucky doesn’t have time to answer as Steve snatches Bucky’s arm and pulls him in close. 

“Hang on,” Steve says over the wind. 

Bucky clings to him, shaking and pale. 

Steve has Mjolnir turn toward the rendezvous, a small camp at the next stop, where Gabe and now his older self, will have stopped the train to detain Zola. The flight is slow, as if the weight of the two men were dragging Mjolnir through the air. Steve grips Bucky tighter, shuddering as the chill of the wind sunk into their bones. 

They land as the train slows to a stop. The other Howlies are already there, staring in shock as Steve sets Bucky down. 

Bucky hunches over, the contents in his stomach spilling from his lips as he falls to the ground. Steve crouches beside him, rubbing his back. 

The old Steve runs out of the train, booking it for Bucky. “Are you alright?” he asks, dropping beside them as he carefully touches Bucky’s head. 

“Yeah,” he gasps. He looks between the Steves. “What the hell is going on?” 

Steve stands, shoulders relaxing. Bucky’s safe, he’s alive and safe with the Howlies. He did it. He stopped it. 

Old Steve stands up, brow furrowed. “Who the hell are you?” 

There isn’t time to talk, to explain. As Steve goes to say his piece, the clearing floods with Hydra agents. He grabs for Mjolnir again, the hammer heavier in his hand, and the shield, ever so light, and adjusts his stance for battle. 

It happens before he can even blink. The battle is quick, more gunfire than anything, and Steve does his best to use Mjolnir to their advantage, but he’s too late. 

As he knocks down a Hydra agent, Steve turns to see Bucky shooting behind their truck, tucked down close. There’s an agent sneaking up from behind him, gun aimed and finger pulling back on the trigger. Steve screams a battle cry as he makes his way across the clearing, shield knocking enemies and allies over with every step. He tries to throw Mjolnir, but the hammer barely moves. 

And then it happens. 

The hydra agent is only a yard away from Bucky, who's still diligently taking down agents, when he fires his glock again. Steve watches, feet thundering against the ground as he desperately closes the distance. He throws his shield, but he knows he’s too late. It’s too close of a range. 

He skids to a stop as the bullet makes contact. 

Steve’s breath stops as he drops to his knees. He’s only a couple of feet away from Bucky. He knows if he got any closer what he’d see, he knows this is a war they’re fighting and Bucky just lost his. Steve’s not sure where the bullet hit, where it sunk into his beloved’s flesh as it ripped the tissue apart, but he knows it’s a fatal shot. If this were another time, another century, they’d have the means to save him. But this is the 1940’s, in the middle of a World War, where they’re stuck in the Alps with only a first aid kit and a lousy truck to take them back to a base camp nearly a day away. 

Bucky wasn’t going to make it. 

Without thinking, Steve hits his watch and sends himself into the quantum realm. 

He can fix this. 

*

Once again, Steve’s in the clearing this all started in. It’s only a week prior, but if he’s going to save Bucky, then he needs to make sure the Commandos never make it to that mission. 

Steve reaches for Mjolnir, where it rests beside him, and braces his knees for flight. Mjolnir doesn’t budge. “What?” Steve asks himself, tugging on the leather-wrapped handle with everything in him. “C’mon Mjolnir, one more time,” he mumbles. 

“You’ve lost it,” a voice calls to him. 

He looks over his shoulder to find the girl again. “It’s you…” Steve lets go of Mjolnir and brushes off his hands. “What are you doing here?” 

She steps forward, still in her dark robes. “I tried to warn you,” she says. “You’ve lost your worth, which means Mjolnir no longer answers to you.” 

Steve glances down at the hammer. “I was able to pick it up a moment ago--” 

“Time is a funny thing,” she says as she picks her pocket watch out of her robes. “A choice that can change the course of the universe can be made in a matter of seconds.” 

“I get you’re trying to scare me, but I have things that need to be done. If you’ll excuse me,” Steve says as he marches out of the clearing. He only manages a few feet into the forest before an immovable force stops him. Steve pushes against it, using all his strength to try and break the invisible shield. 

The girl places a hand on his shoulder. “Steven, you cannot go on any longer. You’ve made your choice.” 

Steve, panting, puts his hands on his waist. “The hell are you talking about? I don’t even know--”

“Who I am?” she nods. “I’m aware.” She takes his hand and guides him back to the clearing. “I am no one, not anymore,” she tells him. 

“You can drop the cryptic language--”

She glares at him. “Are you going to let me speak?” She drops his hand and walks toward Mjolnir. “My name was Kanya and I’ve been the Time Empress for centuries.” 

“The what?” 

“Time Empress,” she says again, slower and mockingly. “I maintain the time balance, making sure fools like you don’t make the same mistakes I did. But that’s no longer the case.”

Steve crosses his arms. “And why’s that?” 

Kanya takes out the pocket watch and sets it in Steve’s hand. 

He gasps, a tingling pain shooting up from his palm into his chest. It encompasses him, bringing him to his knees once more. 

“It’s your job now.” 

The pain forces Steve to close his fist, hitting the button, and together, in a puff of smoke, they vanish. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day One

Steve gasps, falling forward on his hands and knees. He looks up at Kanya, who stands over him with her hands folded in her robes. “What the hell just happened?”

Kanya motions to the forest around her. “Welcome to your new home.” 

“What?” 

“The curse of time has befallen you, Steven Rogers.” Kanya kneels down before him. “Your carelessness with the timeline and your frequent time jumps have earned you an eternity as the Time Emperor. You will serve the multiverse as the Emperor until another has earned the right to replace you.” 

Steve sits up, still clutching the pocket watch. “I don’t understand…” 

Kanya takes off her robes and reveals a brightly colored wrapped dress. “In time, you will. There’s a cabin and your throne, your Majesty, in the middle of the forest. Explore. Time works differently here. You will age, you will grow old, but you’ll live until the deities of time have cursed another or have given you mercy, relinquishing you from your Hell.” 

“What?” 

Kanya doesn’t explain. A soft smile graces her cheeks as she smooths out the fabric draped over her. “I’ve been the Time Empress for so long… I don’t know if I’ll even remember what my village looks like back home.”

“Your home?” 

“Earth 3523, where my home country of Thailand is the most powerful nation in the Eastern Hemisphere.” Kanya winks at Steve. “You have much to learn, Steven.” She drops the robes, which melt into the brush, and steps away. “Good luck.” 

And with a puff of smoke, she’s gone again. 

Steve’s heart races. What the hell had he done? 

He stands on shaky knees, grabbing his shield and the watch. Steve hits his time watch, switching the time back to 2023, praying under his breath he can return. 

“Oh god,” he whispers. It wasn’t working. He’s stuck. Really stuck. 

Steve pockets the watch and starts walking. 

It takes hours to find the cabin Kanya mentioned. The cabin’s small, almost dainty, with a stack of firewood sitting beside the door, and a little garden of flowers beside it. Steve takes a moment, hand on the intricately carved door handle, and shivers. He’s never been in a situation like this. He’s never been left without exit plans, with nowhere to get away. 

He opens the door and walks inside. The walls are bare and the floors a nice hardwood, with only a wool carpet under a small rocking chair and table in front of the fireplace. There’s no kitchen. There’s a cot in the corner, it looks softer than he would have expected, with a thick blanket and a couple of pillows tucked under the sheets. In the far corner, there’s a door. 

At first, he thinks it’s a closet. But upon opening the door, he finds it’s more of a library. It’s huge, with bookshelves stacked higher than he can see and impossible long ladders leaning against them. He notices stairs bracketing some of the shelves, leading to landings that spiral around the room. Steve’s not even sure this is real, how all of this could fit in the tiny cabin, but here it all is. 

There are plagues on the shelves, little gold rectangles at the base of each shelf. He walks over to the closest one. All of the shelves name different eras, with pristine, yet weathered, books stuffed to the brim on the shelf. The one at eye level reads “Earth 616 - Ancient Civilizations.” The next bookshelf has the same, but with “Earth 982” and so on. 

Steve spends hours walking around, nudging books every now and then until he makes his way back to the door. He looks back around. There’s a table in the center of the room. It’s more of a desk, he realizes as he wanders over to it. At the edge of it, another shelf brackets the desk. They’re bound, but handwritten. It’s a journal. 

Steve takes a seat at the desk and begins to read the first installment. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day Three

Sixty-Eight Hours.

Steve pokes the fire he’s built in his new living room. He scoffs, shaking his head. This cabin gives a whole new definition of ‘living room.’ Like he has another room to live in. 

It’s been three days since he entered the Forest of Eternity. He hasn’t left the cabin since, other than to tend to the garden outside and grab firewood. Not like there’s much to explore. 

He’s spent most of his time reading, learning whatever he could from the journals left on the desk. They were written by past Time Emperors, detailing their struggles and what they did to cause the Curse of Time to be placed on their shoulders. Steve’s not really sure he understands everything, probably never will, but at least now he knows. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day Seventy-Eight

Two Months and Seventeen Days | Eleven Weeks | 1,865 Hours

Steve drapes his robes over his altered Captain America uniform. The robes, he’s found, aren’t a symbol of his status necessarily. They weren’t intended that way. They were made because the Forest of Eternity has a gnarly winter and it’s approaching fast. He can feel the temperature dropping around him, teasing him with it’s frozen ways. 

He picks up his lantern, one he found in the library, and lights it with a match from the seemingly endless supply in a box over the fireplace. Steve doesn’t understand the mechanics of this place, probably never will, but he’s getting used to it. 

The lantern swings as he walks, swaying back and forth with an eerie creak. Steve makes his way down the path, winding in and out of the trees and through the brush. It’s familiar, now, a path he’s walked everyday since he read about the Throne. Part of him hates how easy this all has been, giving into the expectations set upon him for his misdeeds, rather than trying to find a way out of all this. He knows he’s giving up. He knows if he really wanted, he could probably find a solution to all of this, or at least try to make sure there wasn’t. 

But he didn’t.

Steve walks toward the rocky clearing, where a stone throne sits in front of a pond. He sets his lantern beside the throne and settles into the chair. It’s a beautiful day, not that it changes drastically here. After reading the other Emperors’ journals, Steve knows this forest has its own timeline. It’s alive within itself, nestled in a pocket universe to look over the multiverse; not tethered to any, but connected to all. He watches as a few lily pads float across the pond, bumping into each other with the gentle gusts of wind. There are signs of the forest slipping into seasons, constantly changing yet staying stagnant at the same time. 

He takes a deep breath and pulls out Kanya’s journal from his robes. It’s the last one he has to read. Then he’ll know everything he needs to know about being a Time Emperor, like how the Throne allows him to pick up on changes in the timeline or how the flowers outside of his cabin, when crushed and inhaled, will give him the power to see the multiverse with his own eyes, observing all of them at once as their timelines clash and split in real time. If he drinks them in a tea, he’ll be able to absorb knowledge faster, but he has no need for food or to rush, so what’s the point?

The Forest of Eternity - Day 276

Nine Months and Three Days | Thirty-Nine Weeks | 6,617 Hours

Steve glides down the ladder until he hits the shelf he wants. He’s working his way through his own universe, which he’s realized is Earth-199999, absorbing the information and the history he hasn’t been able to before. It’s tedious and time consuming, but he’s enjoying it. What else does he have to do? Other than his daily walk to the Throne, there’s nothing for Steve to do but learn and observe. 

It’s a quiet existence, and on more than one occasion Steve realizes that Bucky would adore this. He’d hate the idea that he’s stuck, losing his free will and being able to come and go as he pleased, but if he were able to choose this life? Steve has a feeling Bucky would, if it were on his terms. Having nothing to do but enjoy the silence and the company of all of these books, rather than deal with the trauma and realities of the world. 

He grabs a book on the Mayans from his universe and another on the Qing Dynasty, tucking them into his robes. Bucky would like this, he thinks to himself. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day 6,713

Eighteen Years, Four Months, and Seventeen Days | 959 Weeks | 161,109 Hours

Steve yawns as he gathers the week's firewood. His bones ache, the muscles sore from his morning run and chopping down a fresh supply of wood. It’s been a long day, mentally. Physically he knows the day is as only long as he likes it to be, that time means nothing in the Forest of Eternity, but he can’t shake the colloquial saying from his vocabulary. 

Life as the Time Emperor has been… nice. He didn’t expect it to be as kind and gentle to him as it has been. He’d spent so many years fighting in other people’s wars that he never really allowed himself to stop and think about his retirement. There were times he wanted to do nothing but paint all day, but couldn’t because he was an Avenger, or a soldier, or had to work. And now he does just that. He’ll spend his days in his throne, an easel in front of him and palette in hand, and paint the day away, using the pond or the multiverse as his muse. 

He heaves the wood into his arms and carries it inside, setting it by the fireplace. It’s cozier in his little room than it used to be. He’s made a new bed, finding the tools in a wooden chest behind the cabin, and knitted new blankets to drape over the bed and a rocking chair. That’s the beauty of his solitude, that he gets to spend time creating new things and learning. It’s all he does. 

The mornings he’ll read a few books from the library, then go visit the Throne. Sometimes he’ll paint, sometimes he’ll just watch. Then he’ll return to the cabin for a fire and maybe he’ll read another book or knit something. 

It’s peaceful, but the loneliness eats at him. Steve knows it’s part of the punishment, that doesn’t make it any more tolerable, though. 

He sits down in his rocking chair and places a fresh log in the fireplace. He lights it quickly and settles into the wood. Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair. He catches his reflection in the mirror, his breath catching. When did his hair start to grey? When did he get those wrinkles? 

The curse of being a Time Emperor meant Steve was painstakingly aware of how long he’s been in the Forest of Eternity. He could tell you down to the seconds (580,003,212 and counting) how long it has been since Kanya left him here to replace her. It’s been eighteen years, he’s well into his fifties now, yet he still feels like he just got the serum yesterday. 

Steve closes his eyes and allows the warmth to radiate over his body, sinking into his uniform and robes. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be here, or what it’ll take to replace him, but at this moment, it doesn’t matter. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day 55,465

151 Years, Ten Months, and Ten Days | 7923 Weeks | 1,331,160 Hours

Four World War II books sit in front of him on the table, each opened to a page on the Commandos and each showing a picture of Bucky. They’re from different universes, each Bucky looking just a little different or with a different ending to his story. All of these versions of Bucky fell off the train, but the one from Earth-42316 survived and made his way back to the Commandos and the one from Earth-974’s body was found by the Allies. The other two became the Winter Soldier, but Earth-8510’s version lost their right arm instead of their left. 

Steve traces his fingers across the Bucky from his universe. He’s the only one who looks _right_ . The others have slight differences, nothing major like Earth-5819’s Bucky with his blond hair and green eyes, but enough that Steve can tell they aren’t _his_ Bucky. Earth-42316’s Bucky has a freckle beneath his eye, 974 has a scar on his nose, and 8510’s teeth are crooked. Steve sniffles as he blinks the tears out of his eyes. 

He aches, he misses Bucky with every fiber of his body. Why did he do this? Why did he think this was a good idea? Just leaving Bucky in a new century when he _finally_ had him for good? 

Steve closes the books in time for his tears to splash against 5819’s cover. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day 203,090

556 Years and Fifteen Days | 29012 Weeks | 4,874,160 Hours

The Throne is cold when Steve takes his seat. He’s just returned from Earth-321864, where a young boy was trying to hop from universe to universe. They had a conversation, a good heart-to-heart, and the boy promised he’d stop his adventure. Steve thinks it’s because he’s still unmistakably Captain America, and the Cap from 321864 is still highly regarded as one of America’s most powerful icons. 

He hasn’t had many issues pop up, nothing extreme. The few travelers that warrant a visit from him have understood, promising to do better. And they do. He’s never had to visit more than once. 

The pond ripples with the breeze. Steve settles against the stone, relaxed in his chair. He’s impossibly old, he knows that. At first, he knew he looked old, but he still felt like himself. Now, he feels every year, every hour, every second that he’s pushed through. But the ache of old age doesn’t compare to the pain that's settled into his chest from his loneliness, from not having Bucky around. 

Steve checks in on the multiverse, eyes scanning across the galaxies. He no longer needs the flowers. No longer needs any of the help from the library. There’s still much to learn, to find the intricacies of each and every universe -- he’ll never be done learning, but Steve feels as if his time here is over. He’s learned what he needs to. He’s seen the way his time jumps have altered humanity in their universes, causing shifts in the way the world works exponentially. 

And yet, he still watches, still learns. 

The Forest of Eternity - Day 203,098

556 Years and Twenty-Three Days | 29014 Weeks | 4,874,352 Hours

The snow crunches under his boots as he makes his way to the Throne. Steve watches as the light flickers over the trees, ominous and comforting at the same time. It’s only been a week since he was last called to stop a traveler. Usually it takes years before he’s called on another job, yet he woke up with an urgent ache pulsing in his gut that he needed to check on the multiverse immediately. 

He makes it to the Throne as quickly as he can, boots slipping on the ice with each step. It’s covered in ice, almost burning to the touch it’s so cold. The first frost of the season hit a few days ago, covering the Forest in a thick blanket of snow and ice. Steve can’t stand it. He’s never been able to handle the cold, not since he crashed the Valkyrie into the Arctic over six hundred years ago (he can’t even begin to process that, how long his existence has been. He’s been given too much time, before the time traveling and after). 

Steve takes his seat and settles the lantern on a rock beside him. A deep breath, Steve closes his eyes and opens his mind to the multiverse. 

It takes Steve a few minutes to pinpoint the disturbance. It’s coming from his own universe, someone jumping in and around different eras of the timeline. Steve shakes his head as he focuses on the traveler’s location and pulls out his pocket watch. He blindly hits the button. 

2015

Steve finds himself in New York, a version he recognizes, at the base of the Avengers Tower. He closes his eyes, searching for the time and place. It’s his universe, he knows for sure, and the year 2015, but even more than that… It’s the day of Stark’s Avengers get together, the one a few days before he invents Ultron with Bruce. 

He makes his way into the tower, sidestepping agents and Stark employees alike. They can’t see him, no one can except for the traveler, but he hates the way passing through objects and people make him feel. Steve steps onto the Avengers elevator, the one that takes them to their residential floors and training units, and eases against the metal. 

It’s strange seeing his older self in the pristine shine of the elevator, not when he’s so used to seeing a younger captain staring back at him as he made his way to his apartment upstairs. He shakes his head, nearly shuddering, as he forces his eyes to his boots. 

The elevator stops at the first residential floor, where a familiar face steps on. 

Sam. 

He’s wearing headphones, bobbing his head to the beat as he mouths the words. “Take me to Steve’s, Jarvis,” he says toward the ceiling. 

Steve smiles. No matter how many times Stark tells them they didn’t have to talk at the ceiling for Jarvis to hear them, they couldn’t help but do it. Steve’s throat constricts as he wishes he could joke with Sam, to tease him once more. Instead, he just settles into the corner and watches his friend fiddle with his phone. 

Sam must have been training, his workout clothes damp with sweat, before the party. Steve remembers being stuck in meetings all day, but encouraging Sam to hang around as much as he needed while he stayed in town. 

The doors open to Steve’s floor. Sam walks out, humming the words to the song blasting in his ears. 

Steve nearly follows him, but the pulsing in his gut tells him to stay. 

He waits until the doors open to Stark’s penthouse, where the party will be in a few hours. Steve walks through the familiar space, remembering all the laughs and beers they shared together between missions. Before things got messy, before the world turned against them. 

The pulse turns him toward the patio. He follows it, finding a teen leaning against the railing. Steve hasn’t met this boy, probably never would if he were alive in the typical sense, but he recognizes him nonetheless. 

There’s a slight glow to the boy, surrounding him in a soft blue light; the sign of a traveler. Steve sighs. He should have known one of Stark’s descendants would end up traveling. Steve takes a step forward, within distance to absorb all the information of the boy’s past and future. 

“Antonio Stark,” Steve says, crossing his arms. 

Antonio gasps, turning toward Steve. “Capta- Wait. You’re not Captain America,” he says, crowding himself against the railing. 

Steve smiles. “Just an older version of the one of this time,” he says. He takes a step toward the railing and leans against it, looking out on the city. “I know why you’re here.” 

“No you don’t,” Antonio says, settling in beside him. 

“There’s no way this ends well if you try to argue. I know more than you could ever imagine,” Steve says. “Let’s try this again. I know why you’re here. It’s noble, it’s kind-hearted, but it’s not a good idea.”

Antonio scoffs. “I don’t have a choice.” 

“I know what you’re planning,” Steve tells him, “but I don’t know why. I have the knowledge of infinite universes, yet I still cannot see another’s internal motivations. So why don’t you give me an idea of what you’re trying to do?” 

“I want to fix them.” Antonio draws circles on his palm, alternating between hands. Steve’s seen Morgan do that before, especially at the funeral when Pepper was talking to others. He smiles and pats Antonio’s shoulder. “If I can stop my great-grandfather from creating Ultron, the world will be a better place.” 

Steve shakes his head. “I’m going to tell you something someone told me before, when I thought the same thing. We were trying to do the same, trying to save our universe and undo the mistakes we made by time traveling. It worked, to some degree, but… The universe rights itself. No matter what you do, there will always be certain events that overwhelm us and shape the way our world works.” 

Antonio’s brow furrows. “No, that--”

“Nothing I say can stop you,” Steve says. “I know this. I was in your place, hundreds of years ago, trying to save my best friend from a horrendous accident. All I did was make it worse and send myself into exile.” He stands up and looks Antonio in the eye. “Heed my warning and return back to your time. Don’t find a way to cop out of doing the hard work to fix your society by trying to fix this one. You can change things without time travel.” 

“Fine,” Antonio says. “I’ll go.” He shrugs Steve’s hand off his shoulder. Antonio, the spitting image of a young Tony Stark, hits the wrist band he’s wearing and glares at Steve as he vanishes. 

Steve lets out a breath. He heads into the penthouse when another pulse tugs through him. Antonio didn’t listen. 

2012

“And what exactly do you plan on doing now? Stop the Avengers from being formed?” Steve asks as he walks toward Antonio, now in Stark’s personal penthouse after the Battle of New York. 

Antonio jumps at Steve’s voice, eyes wide as he takes in the captain. “How--”

“I’m the Time Emperor, Antonio. I guard the timelines, the multiverse, and the space continuum.” Steve spins the pocket watch between his fingers as he walks toward the young boy. “Antonio, I tried to warn you. I couldn’t stop you, since that would violate your free will, but you’ve broken too many rules. You’ve continuously jumped in and out of this timeline, trying to fix things that can’t be undone.” 

“What are you trying to say, old man?” 

Steve pauses as the answer is clear. Antonio’s blue glow turns purple before his eyes. The Emperor’s journals warned him of this: the sign of the next Time Emperor. Steve struggles to breath for a moment. He never thought this would happen… 

“Well?” 

“You’ve made your bed, Antonio. As someone who cared deeply for your great-grandfather, I can tell you he’d understand where you’re coming from. He’d admire your heart, your courage, and your willingness to heal things with your actions and hands. But he would also say you need to learn from your actions, if he knew how much damage you were making. He did, all the time. He was always trying to fix the mistakes he made, even when he was too proud to admit he was wrong.” Steve walks forward. 

Steve takes Antonio’s hand and hands him the pocket watch. “And now you’ll make him proud in another sense.” 

2023

He hits the platform with a thud. Steve gasps, grabbing at his chest. His lungs feel lighter, younger, and his hand is free from any wrinkles. He scrambles up, surprised with the lack of protest from his joints and muscles. 

“Welcome back, Cap,” Sam says, jogging toward the platform. 

“Back,” Steve echoes. “How long was I gone?”

Bruce’s brow furrows. Steve almost forgot he and the Hulk had merged. “Only six seconds? You alright, Steve?” 

Bucky walks forward, brow furrowed. He knew about Steve’s plan, the godsend he is, the most supportive best friend Steve’s ever had… “Steve? What happened? I thought--”

“I did,” Steve says, quickly. “I did that. It, um, didn’t work out.” 

“Oh.” 

“I--” Steve runs his hands through his hair. He got a do-over. He’s been given a second chance. Steve can’t help himself, the tears in his eyes forming, as he pulls Bucky and Sam into a hug. “I missed you guys,” he whispers, holding them tight. 

Bucky pats his back. 

Sam laughs. “You’ve barely been gone--”

“It’s been so long for me,” Steve says. “Unimaginably long…” 

“C’mon, let’s get back to the compound and you can rest up. Then you can tell us all about it,” Sam says as he pulls away, grinning. 

*

Three days later, Steve’s sitting in his office. He’s cleared it out, ready for the new Captain America to take his place. 

Bucky leans against the door. “You alright, old man?” 

Steve hums, rubbing at his chin. “I will be.” 

“So, you haven’t said much about this adventure you had. See anything interesting?” 

“I visited a library that had every book you could ever imagine in it. All at my fingertips.” Steve leans back. “And not like the Internet where you can find everything and all, these were actual books. From handbound Ancient texts to books that hadn't been written yet. You would have loved it.” 

Bucky grins. “You wouldn’t be able to drag me out of there.” 

Steve laughs. “No, no, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t try, though.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah, I’d want you to enjoy yourself, Buck. You deserve to enjoy any and all things that make you happy,” Steve says. 

Bucky’s brow furrows. “When did you get sappy?” 

“Guess it came out in my old age.” 

Bucky walks toward the desk and sits on it, now that it’s cleared. “You sure about retiring?” 

Steve nods. “Yeah, I am. I think you and I both earned the right to retire.” 

“Both of us?” 

“Both of us.” 

Bucky crosses his arms, smirking. “So you got big plans for us or something?” 

Steve smiles. “I do. I figured we’d start with a road trip, go see the Grand Canyon like you always dreamed of.” 

“That…” Bucky shakes his head, a strand of hair falling loose from his bun. “That sounds nice, actually. Just the two of us or are you dragging Sam along too?” 

“Sam will be too busy establishing his reign as Captain America to goof off across the country with us.” Steve moves to stand in front of Bucky, crowding him. “I figured you and I deserved some time to just be ourselves for a while.” 

Bucky’s breathing stops. Steve can hear his sharp inhale, tell how he’s holding it. “Steve,” he squeaks. 

“Buck?” 

“What are you saying?” 

Steve caresses Bucky’s cheek. “I know how you feel, Buck. I feel the same.” He leans in, nose an inch away from Bucky’s. He whispers, “I love you with every ounce of my being.”

“I love you, too.” 

Steve grins as he pulls Bucky into a kiss. He won’t fuck this up again. Not after everything. He doesn’t deserve Bucky’s time or patience, but he’ll spend every waking moment making sure he does right by Bucky. 

He can’t believe he ever thought leaving Bucky was the best option for them. 

As he kisses Bucky until their lips are sore, until their breathing is ragged, Steve can’t help but think about how stupid he was all those years ago. 

God, he was such an idiot.


End file.
